Stupid Hypotheticals - Stagecoach For The Jaloppo Ball

"Lets Just Drive" (lets-just-drive) 01/06/2014 at 22:16 • Filed to: None

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It's finally happening - Jalopnik and Opposite Lock are having a grand ball and you're attending. Called the "Big Brass Jaloppo Balls" you've been granted the price of admission and all your expenses comp'd because everyone is going to be there. Every self identified Jalop and Opponaut is going to this event and everyone is driving. In fact, we've cordoned off a great big venue of some kind with enough space to cut a rug and show your car and the thing is that you get to bring any car you want to the event. Money is no obstacle, but the car has to be a real car - from expensive production cars to one-off specials and everything in between. What're you taking to the Jaloprom?

Brian Silvestro > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:18

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Lets Just Drive > Brian Silvestro 01/06/2014 at 22:19

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Still?

Or, I mean; again?

You and Dusty suck big brass balls. I mean that in the kindest of way, as I'm polishing my big brass balls right now.

RMudkips > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:20

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Might as well match with avatar pictures, e.g pictured here, $Kay with a GT40, Bandit with a Trans Am, etc.

Lets Just Drive > RMudkips 01/06/2014 at 22:22

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So I've gotta show up in an ZL1 and finger everyone?

Damn.

Brian Silvestro > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:22

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It's my favorite car ever. I'm sure everyone at oppo/jalopnik would approve.

such special edition.

many manual.

so V12.

wow.

f86sabre > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:22

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Might as well be fastest and close to loudest. Will there be Jet A at the pump?

carcrasher88 > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:23

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Volvo V60 R-Design.

PanchoVilleneuve ST > RMudkips 01/06/2014 at 22:24

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OH MY PENIS

undutchable > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:25

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Easy. Dacia Sandero with Captain Slow riding shotgun.

RMudkips > PanchoVilleneuve ST 01/06/2014 at 22:26

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Your avatar is just fitting with your reply, if that's what I think it is.

dogisbadob > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:26

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My car, because it's what I have. The ultimate enthusiast expression is to like the car you have. And also for having the big brass balls to show up at an event like that with a car that's supposedly the quinteseential anti-enthusiast car haha.

But if I had to rent, how about a late-2000s Impala SS with the front bench seat? I don't know how many they sold like that, but the combination was available.

PanchoVilleneuve ST > RMudkips 01/06/2014 at 22:27

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It's the Okamoto Condoms Safety Drive logo.

RMudkips > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:27

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What could possibly go wrong?

Tom McParland > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:27

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Gonna pick this again...I think if I showed up in anything else folks would be disappointed.

RMudkips > PanchoVilleneuve ST 01/06/2014 at 22:28

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Yup, fitting! Love that logo by the way.

offroadkarter > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:29

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Why? Because fuck you, thats why

Someone Else's Projects > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:29

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Y'know what, I'm coming as I am.

Lets Just Drive > dogisbadob 01/06/2014 at 22:30

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Many props for picking your own ride. I think that there are actually quite a lot of Opponauts who'll make the same choice you did.

I'd show up in my car, too. Though, if I could cheat the question a little, it'd be with the build list finished out.

Lets Just Drive > RMudkips 01/06/2014 at 22:30

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Bit too tight.

Lets Just Drive > Tom McParland 01/06/2014 at 22:32

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Can't fault that.

Unless it's with THIS!

Lets Just Drive > offroadkarter 01/06/2014 at 22:32

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Kinja'd.

SkilletHead > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:33

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It's a tough choice between this, a DB5, a 911 RSR, or a Tyrrell P34, but I think the choice is:

The Pagani Zonda R wins for being a marvel of engineering, performance, and handling, and but at the same time completely batshit insane.

Lets Just Drive > Someone Else's Projects 01/06/2014 at 22:33

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So. Much. Win.

Milky > RMudkips 01/06/2014 at 22:33

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Damn, too bad mine doesn't exist IRL :/

Lets Just Drive > SkilletHead 01/06/2014 at 22:35

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Pretty sure you'd get pulled over the moment you took that monster on the public roads. But it'd be fun as shit on the private roads and indoor areas of the venue, I'm sure.

"$kay, look out!"

Followed by the most expensive crash of ever.

Milky > undutchable 01/06/2014 at 22:37

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Sir, that is a Dacia Duster. This is a Sandero

offroadkarter > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:37

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over my dead body!

SkilletHead > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:37

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I might get pulled over, but the car itself is street legal. Despite the moniker "R", it's not the racing version - the GR is the track-only version.

Lets Just Drive > offroadkarter 01/06/2014 at 22:37

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"Don't worry everybody..."

"Karter is bringing the venue."

Rumble rumble rumble.

f86sabre > f86sabre 01/06/2014 at 22:37

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In case I need to turn:

Auto Union Streamliner

Marmon Wasp - Winner of the first Indy 500

offroadkarter > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:38

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Unless we have 1000 Soviet era missile trucks show up, I think we could fit 2 of everyones cars on that thing, and take it to the streets

Lets Just Drive > SkilletHead 01/06/2014 at 22:39

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I could have sworn that the R was the not legal for street use version and also the not legal for use on most private tracks because it's too loud, version.

Lets Just Drive > offroadkarter 01/06/2014 at 22:39

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We need two, so we can construct jumps between the platforms.

f86sabre > offroadkarter 01/06/2014 at 22:39

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You almost got it right.

SkilletHead > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:42

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Huh - look at that. I was wrong. Not street legal :(. Going to have to stick to the regular Zonda to not get pulled over.

Aside from being astonishingly loud, it apparently doesn't have turn signals.

Kugelblitz > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:43

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The shortest distance is right through the walls.

Frank Grimes > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:43

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Maybe one of these.

undutchable > Milky 01/06/2014 at 22:43

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Bravo! I stand corrected.

Google will rue the day it gave me a picture of a Duster when I explicitly searched "James May Dacia Sandero."

Lets Just Drive > SkilletHead 01/06/2014 at 22:44

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Who needs turn signals anyway, when you're just a blur of light and sound?

Big Bubba Ray > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:44

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Toyota 2000GT because they are unbelievable classy.

Lets Just Drive > Kugelblitz 01/06/2014 at 22:44

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I would get so drunk with you.

Lets Just Drive > Frank Grimes 01/06/2014 at 22:45

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Kinja'd, Grimey.

Lets Just Drive > Big Bubba Ray 01/06/2014 at 22:45

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You'd go through a tank of gas just idling it while parked so us Jalopponauts could stand around fapping. It'd be the best kind of car bukkake ever!

KillerRaccoon - Group J's Sébastien Loeb > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:46

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Mercedes GT Vision with 2" smaller diameter wheels.

pdthedeuce > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:47

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yup , that'll do ...

Lets Just Drive > KillerRaccoon - Group J's Sébastien Loeb 01/06/2014 at 22:49

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Everybody is getting Kinja'd right now. WTF?!

Lets Just Drive > pdthedeuce 01/06/2014 at 22:50

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Mind = Blown.

Icemanmaybeirunoutofthetalents > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:54

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You silly proles. I will arrive in style! Only Rollys Royce will do, studded with gems and overlaid with gold and silver. With perhaps a tiger placed over the front wheel arches. It is a ball after all.

/because royalcar

PS: Very interesting stuff about the rollers used by the maharajas of India - http://www.telegraph.co.uk/expat/4193893/…

http://guruprasad.net/posts/rolls-ro…

Bad Idea Hat > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:55

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My wife says

I say

Lets Just Drive > Icemanmaybeirunoutofthetalents 01/06/2014 at 22:56

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On another topic, I have a daughter now. What I don't look forward to is explaining to her, a few years down the road, why there aren't any tigers left.

I'll say, "They evolved into Rolls Royces."

Bad Idea Hat > Kugelblitz 01/06/2014 at 22:56

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Just because you deserve so many stars for this.

pdthedeuce > Kugelblitz 01/06/2014 at 22:57

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BANZAI !!!

Lets Just Drive > Bad Idea Hat 01/06/2014 at 22:58

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I think both are great choices.

Unless the DeLorean has the stock mill, in which case it's not going anywhere with a full load of passengers. The Freightliner, however, that'll go just fine.

I prefer your pick, but don't tell your wife. Not worth the fight. Haha!

Bad Idea Hat > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 22:59

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"You guys are stupid"

:(

Clown Shoe Pilot > Kugelblitz 01/06/2014 at 23:00

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Laugh while you can, monkey boy.

Delta Five Nine > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 23:01

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Can't do it much better than Marcus did.

Lets Just Drive > Bad Idea Hat 01/06/2014 at 23:02

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Yeah? Well at least I'm not married to your husband!

Now who's the stupid one?

Actually, don't repeat that. There's probably a secret illuminati of wives, a cabal of spouses who'll haunt me for my daring.

pdthedeuce > f86sabre 01/06/2014 at 23:03

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leave it to you to bring a plane to a car show ... nice choice .

Icemanmaybeirunoutofthetalents > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 23:03

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Tiger hunting (not to mention rhino/elephant hunting) was a favourite passtime of the british and the maharajas. They hunted them down like anything. These days its the poachers who're after them for fucking chinese medicine version of viagra! That plus tiger skin is very valuable on the black market apparently. I just hope all the tiger conservation efforts around the world help to atleast maintain current population levels if not increase them.

Bad Idea Hat > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 23:03

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I don't want to take the loss, so this one's not getting out of Oppo.

Lets Just Drive > Bad Idea Hat 01/06/2014 at 23:07

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Smaaaart.

Jeff-God-of-Biscuits > Clown Shoe Pilot 01/06/2014 at 23:12

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Damned isa you soul, and doomed isa you life.

RMudkips > Milky 01/06/2014 at 23:16

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Maybe in this case we could make an exemption.

Or build it.

Your boy, BJR > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 23:17

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My Hyundai. I'd probably be the only one who shows up in a sonata, also it's a stick shift, is on bare steelies, and has a "necrophillia goes both ways" bumper sticker.

offroadkarter > f86sabre 01/06/2014 at 23:17

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Well, a rocket ship isn't a car, I was trying to remain remotely close to the question

plus that eats up a lot of retail on top of the platform, vital spots we need for a thousand soviet era missile trucks

texasfordfan > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 23:19

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Just because it would give me a chance to drive it.

55Buick, Oversteer Scientist > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 23:20

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Why? Because I'm classy as fuck, that's why!

Lets Just Drive > Your boy, BJR 01/06/2014 at 23:20

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I once owned a purple, (late) 2nd gen Sonata. It was also a stick.

It also had limo tints all the way around, F&F style graphics up the side, more stereo gear then it ever needed and with a turbo-tip exhaust. Oh yeah, it was also on flashy but cheap aftermarket Canadian Tire hubcaps.

I think I win.

Lets Just Drive > texasfordfan 01/06/2014 at 23:21

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There's nothing there?

Lets Just Drive > 55Buick, Oversteer Scientist 01/06/2014 at 23:21

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Love. Those. Doors.

thebigbossyboss > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 23:24

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Because Land yacht.

55Buick, Oversteer Scientist > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 23:24

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Same! I almost picked this picture to show them off. The doors, I mean ;)

Your boy, BJR > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 23:26

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Mine is a 2012 and people describe it as a beater. I've driven the thing to hell and back, off road, through water, through snow, through the thickest fogs. I still have a handprint on the back window from some post-senior prom fun. I also have a vintage ceramic dashboard hula girl and a constantly changing array of air fresheners, from zakk wylde's guitar, to one that says "well hung", to a pizza scented pot leaf, to bigfoot. I love that car and am doing anything in my power to be stuck with it post lease.

Lets Just Drive > 55Buick, Oversteer Scientist 01/06/2014 at 23:47

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The "doors".

Lets Just Drive > thebigbossyboss 01/06/2014 at 23:49

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Some cars corner like they're on rails. Or they can stop on a dime.

Others, sail overland.

thebigbossyboss > Lets Just Drive 01/06/2014 at 23:56

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This isn't about being the fastest. Cornering? Lawl. This is about cruising down main street at 20 mph, and showing off.

911e46z06 > Lets Just Drive 01/07/2014 at 02:23

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This should stand out among all the Miatas

Lets Just Drive > 911e46z06 01/07/2014 at 02:30

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I'd give you an award for your Troll Level alone!

Great pick!

911e46z06 > Lets Just Drive 01/07/2014 at 02:34

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I'd definitely be unique

Corey CC97, MAZDA DPI IS STILL BAE JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV VISIT FLORIDA RACING LIVES FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS > Lets Just Drive 01/07/2014 at 02:36

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Because favorite car and there will probably be a dirt road (rally stage) at some point.

puddler > Lets Just Drive 01/07/2014 at 06:10

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f86sabre > pdthedeuce 01/07/2014 at 07:51

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What, it drives...

corvairsomeday2 > Lets Just Drive 01/07/2014 at 08:56

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My F-150! Because screw emissions. And rust-free sheet metal.

Kugelblitz > Jeff-God-of-Biscuits 01/07/2014 at 10:13

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Your overthruster is a piece of crap , John Whorfin!

Dingers Ghost, Champion Jockey > undutchable 01/07/2014 at 11:18

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I don't even understand how it could mix that up.

pdthedeuce > f86sabre 01/07/2014 at 11:38

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no sarcasm intended ... genuinely nice choice .

SpeedSix > Lets Just Drive 01/07/2014 at 14:44

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Freightliner

*Futurliner I believe

SpeedSix > RMudkips 01/07/2014 at 15:31

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I'll be the one riding my Motocompo inside the ball, just a heads up.

Lets Just Drive > SpeedSix 01/07/2014 at 15:44

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You're absolutely correct. Brain farb.

texasfordfan > Lets Just Drive 01/07/2014 at 15:50

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It is supposed to be a shelby raptor. This post has the same picture I wanted to post. http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/shelby-1487907…

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

RMudkips > SpeedSix 01/07/2014 at 22:50

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Oh yeah!

Maxima Speed > Lets Just Drive 01/08/2014 at 16:47

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nuf said :)

Lets Just Drive > Maxima Speed 01/08/2014 at 18:50

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I'd touch it inappropriately.